About last night

Risk taking and beyond...

Last night felt risky.

I wasn’t nervous as such.

But I knew that offering a debrief after such a confronting film was a risk.

Thing is, it felt unethical for me to invite people to come and watch what I knew would be very very hard to process…and then have them step back into Melbourne CBD without anywhere to place their feelings.

Especially because most people don’t have anyone to process with.

So it was my responsibility to create a safe space.

And that’s EXACTLY what happened.

Even though I had countless people tell me I was crazy to do it.

And that if I was going ahead, I should at least have a very structured agenda.

But no…

I went with what felt right for me.

And very simply started the evening with an invite for those who wanted to stay after the film to do so. But to keep in mind that everyone would be watching the film through their own lens…and that there might be things said that feel uncomfortable or even hurtful. And I asked that everyone show grace to the people speaking and to allow them to come from a different perspective. My intention was that there was a feeling of being “held” while watching the film and a comfort that there would be a space where the feelings could be processed after, so there was more likelihood of people allowing themselves to feel. Not watch with their guard up.

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This morning on my way to work I called my friend for a few short minutes to tell her how it all went. And I described to her as best as I could what happened.

She then texted me this:

The relational conditions that you provided through warmth, care, boundary, pace, tone, the pre thought of meeting them before their interpretational thinking takes hold - allows their cognitive resources to be shared with something outside of themselves. Their executive functioning can be more readily accessed.

Less about protection - more about the lean in to other.

The way you hold conversation is an integral part of how you make change possible.

Shaping the conditions of a conversation is a particular forte of yours.

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I’m sharing this with you because I find it really valuable. And I hope that it put words to something you have either yearned for or have had glimpses of.

We need to have more conversations.

But we all know that conversations often become arguments.

And if we want more conversations we need to learn how to have them safely. And create spaces where that is possible.

Yes, this happened in a big auditorium with over 130 people…but it’s the same for smaller groups and even one on one.

I’m curious if what I have attempted to explain makes sense…again, I’m writing in a very restricted time window and know that I haven’t really done justice to such a big topic.

Oh, and just for a giggle…

Check out this schmuck who rocked up last night to wave the genocidal flag. I’m keeping the photo off social media because I don’t want to give him the attention… but ugh…

I love the fact that he’s such a coward that he won’t even show his face :)