According to my kids I’m a bad person.
The context is my birthday dinner. We were talking about how refreshing it is when people speak honestly.
And that’s when I made the mistake of telling my kids I had been really honest that day.
The four of them collectively inhaled loudly.
“Oh no Mum, what did you do???”
So I started to explain that I really struggle with people saying happy birthday.
“Oh no…Mum you didn’t…did you??”
Their faces looked as if they were watching a train crash in slow motion.
In amongst their protests I attempted to explain how in one of the groups I’m part of, people started to wish me happy birthday. And how instead of just saying thank you…I responded with saying that I’m allergic to a plain happy birthday and surely friends can add something else to it to make it meaningful?
My kids were so horrified.
“Mum you are literally the worst person. Why can’t you just be normal?”
I don’t think my kids realise how hard I’ve tried to embrace the predictable happy birthday greeting. I’ve literally had to warn my brain that once October hits people will start wishing me happy birthday and I just need to anticipate it and respond with a quick “thank you” and move on. But no, every year it’s the same. It’s like something in me dies when I read a friend not bothering to add ANYTHING extra. And I really mean anything. Like: Happy birthday, I’m so glad you’re my friend. Or: Happy birthday, I hope you are feeling loved.
I’m not needing a poem or a paragraph. But sooooomething.
I’ve even practised just writing Happy Birthday a couple of times to see if I can do it….and it feels soooooooo wrong.
Anyways, my kids might be right. Maybe I’m a bad person.
Which made me start thinking through what other one liners I’m allergic to. Because yes, there are more.
And I decided to do a list.
And while walking in the bucketing rain this morning I narrowed my list down to these:
(in no particular order)
Is he/she a good baby?
I had never heard this question until I moved to Australia and I was horrified. A good baby??? What they meant of course is, does your baby sleep a lot? Ugh. I just found it the most jarring question and started responding with: no, my baby is evil.
Trying for a boy/girl?
Just the diabolical assumption that once you have one gender you will want your next baby to be the other gender.
Wait till she’s a teenager!
This one pisses me off in a few different ways. For one, just this self fulfilling prophecy that teenagers are horrible. They’re not. Expecting them to be is not helping anyone. But also, this hyper-fixation on a little girl being cute which means trouble for when she’s a teen. It just gives me such an ick when I hear people talk about it.
Terrible weather
Okay, I can admit that there are occasions that weather can be terrible. Like if you have an outdoor wedding and it’s bucketing. Or a market and it’s crazy windy. Yes, then it’s fair enough to describe the weather as terrible. But yeah, this day to day criticism of the weather (and this is very much a Melbourne thing) and finding fault in it no matter what. Honestly, it’s as if people are programmed to highlight anything that might not be to their liking. And it seems to impact people’s moods sooooo much. And if you don’t agree with their weather criticism and just shrug your shoulders, it’s almost as if you have broken some sort of social code. I honestly long for a day where I don’t have to hear something negative about the weather and people just adjust their activities or clothing accordingly.
A couple of drinks
It took me years of living in Australia to realise that “a couple of drinks” means that they don’t plan on getting smashed. For me a couple of drinks equals exactly TWO drinks.
I was very wrong.
How are you?
In my 52 years I have yet to learn how to respond to this crazy broad question. I just freeze like a deer in headlights when I get asked. And it’s just so refreshing when someone is more specific, like: how was your week? Or: what’s something you want me to know about? Also, I will never understand that most people who ask how I am, don’t actually want to know.
You’re so intense
I’m convinced that this is something mostly women get told. And it’s the reason so many women stay puddle deep when it comes to things they are willing to be honest about.
I’m not political
This doesn’t need any explanation. But man oh man, saying “I’m not political” is code for “I’m so privileged that I don’t have to care about politics. Me and everyone I care about are socially comfortable with the current levels of racism and capitalism.
But you look happy
This is something I’ve struggled with for pretty much my whole life. I’m wired to look happy and to be funny. Which means that most people are shocked when they realise I struggle with heavy feelings. I refer to it as the “Robin Williams effect”. We need to stop assuming funny and smiling means that someone isn’t struggling. And no, it’s not that the smiles and laughter is fake…
It’s easy!
The amount of times I get told something is easy and I just want to scream: IT’S EASY FOR YOU!!!!! Because as my friend says: It’s only easy if you know how.
For me, it’s often computer related. Don’t tell me it’s easy when I don’t even know the basics. But for someone else it might be about opening up about feelings. Or trying a new food. Or taking a risk. And so on…. Let’s acknowledge it’s only easy for us because we know how.
There you go. That’s my list. I know there are more but these are the ones that irk me the most. I’m curious what triggers you. Or maybe you are normal and not a bad person.
Tell me you're autistic without telling me you're autistic :)
(You may or may not be autistic; I don't remember if you've posted anything on the topic. But your complaints sure sound like other autistic people I follow... and I agree with them for the most part!)