As I walked to the doctor this morning the sun was shining.
So much so that I had to step back inside to grab my hat, as my daughter was stretched out on a blanket soaking up some vitamin D.
I felt good.
Or so I thought.
But then, once I arrived at the medical centre, my doctor made the mistake of asking me how I’ve been since my last appointment.
And yeah, let’s just say I collapsed into a crying mess.
I think both of us were taken by surprise.
Long story short, is that after I attempted to explain in a very summarised way, everything that has been taking place, and what I’ve attempted to juggle or carry depending on how you look at it….
My doctor told me she wants me to sign up for twelve free therapy sessions.
And she’s going to let them know it’s urgent.
Damn.
It feels like such an over-reaction. But I have lived long enough to learn that sometimes we just have to nod and agree and bite our tongue.
As I stepped out from the medical centre forty five minutes later, rain was bucketing down!
I had to hold my hat down so it wouldn’t blow away, and I wrapped my kuffiyah around my shoulders to attempt to stay dry.
It was wild!
Lygon Street was a wind tunnel and I was doubled over and shivering.
Oh how quickly things can go from feeling okay to absolute chaos.
____
I’m sharing this with you because many people perceive me as always being strong and positive.
And they feel embarrassed admitting to me that they are not coping.
So this is me letting you know that it happens to me as well.
I’m buoyant by nature. But yes, I also breakdown.
And that’s okay. And it’s okay to mention it even during a genocide where others are going through something much worse that deserves our attention.
And no, the answer is not to “take a break”…because I really believe that one of the main reasons I feel is bad, is because I haven’t been able to be as vocal as I like. My platform has shrunk so significantly and while I build it up again, my contribution feels pathetic.
Anyways, I’ll stop here.
I’m okay. And I will feel better. And hopefully me being transparent helps those of you who have been struggling know that you are not alone.
- Veronica
Take care Veronica. None of this is OK. It feels so unreal that people are ignoring a genocide and our complicity, it's no wonder we crack. I miss you on Facebook.
Thanks Veronica, life really is a sack of shit, currently; and I really feel overwhelmed by everything that is going on in the world. As you say, we are not alone and if you feel like I do then don't be alone. We have to talk to someone, reach out and talk.